So I finally got up the courage to order a custom video. It took years to figure out what I wanted and build up the courage to ask for it. Usually I can't string together a coherent scenario as I just get a flood of different feelings. I found a producer to work with and we agreed to the basic idea. I had to just blurt it out and hit send because I am so nervous because I am very self conscious about my fetish, general messy not so much but I do have a humiliation kink for clowns and diapers. I know logically I have no need to be but I can't shake this feeling. The producer I reached out to has been great by the way it's just me. I feel so vulnerable at the moment and worry about asking too much for the first custom. I hope by putting this out there it helps me feel more comfortable with my fetish as opposed to hiding it.