On Tuesday. I had suicidal thoughts that for once I couldn't shake off at a train station in London .

I had just had enough & was thinking about ending it all (was just all too much)

Summer wasn't the best with being made redundant from my job, having to rush my Dad to A&E and nearly losing him (thank goodness he is on the mend now) and coping with my own mental health.

I suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD from growing up (long story) and potentially ADHD which I'm on the waiting list to get diagnosed....but it's a 2 year wait on the NHS unless I go private.

I'm still trying to unravel the mess that is my mental health situation.

I'm the only child my Dad has so all that has happened with him this summer has taken it's toll on me and is the first time he's ever been really ill in his life (and he's in his late 70's).

It's just been really hard to be looking after him while trying to sort myself out too and I have had negative/intrusive thoughts before but have shunned them away.

I just couldn't this time and it was very scary (didn't help either that I saw something on social media that miffed me off regarding a now ex mate of mine too as well).

I have some good mates that I called out to right after I had the thought and they were very supportive of me which I definitely needed.

It's not an experience I want to ever through again but I'm feeling a lot of pressure right now to get to the bottom of my problems, make sure Dad is better and get back to full health so I can get back to work fully in the new year (I definitely can't go back in this way right now )

Sorry to hear this. It's a brave thing to post about and I applaud you for doing so. Feel free to message if you want to chat any time. Take care.

Really sorry to hear this, and glad you'd the strength to post about it, that takes courage.

No advice I can give but hang in there. The world would be a poorer place if you weren't in it.

***hugs***

It's hard to be responsible for all the things we're supposed to be responsible for. You're responsible for working and earning money, but also your employer can just cut you loose. You're responsible for maintaining your own mental health, but also your health care system can just withhold the resources that would help you do that. And for you personally, you're now responsible for looking after your dad, who, after all, is never going to be younger than he is now.

One of the hardest things, I think, is to learn how to deprogram all of those responsibilities so that we can hear ourselves (and, ideally, respond) instead of only hearing our (supposed) obligations. That's easier said than done, especially because you truly do need to earn an income (although needing to do something and being responsible for it are two subtly different things).

If I can give some unsolicited advice, I'd say two basic things. One: understand that there may be no single "bottom" to what you're experiencing. Mental diagnoses are not like physical ailments, where you can trace the problem to one tangible thing and then just make it go away. Try to understand your symptoms rather than your diagnostic labels. Look to learn new skills rather than finding a one-time cure-all. Build your happiness brick by brick.

And then, second, trust yourself to experiment and learn. Mental health stuff is not magic, no matter how much certain parts of the profession try to make it seem like it is. There are lots of good resources out there about techniques you can try, science stuff (especially regarding PTSD and ADHD; the science of anxiety and depression is a little less reliable at the moment), tools you can use, and so on. Having people to help you is a big thing, whether they be professionals or just friends or fellow weirdos online. Recruiting yourself to help you is also a big thing.

Anyway, I dunno as much about mental health stuff in the UK as I do about mental health stuff here, but these look like good crisis resources to me, in case you should need any:

https://www.cnwl.nhs.uk/patients-and-carers/help-mental-health-crisis
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/helplines-listening-services/
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Have you seen the messy minds group part of the site? There may be some people there that you can talk with that might not look at the main page. If you would like to talk to someone that is.

Their is a link to discord with other wammers that you may be able to reach out via the call feature is your up for speaking with someone

https://discord.gg/Bx54d2ah

I lost my friend to cancer a few days ago and been have a few similar issues not much in the sense of suicide thoughts but grief and loss and not being able to rest

Send me a dm if your ever in need of anything I can reasonably provide it's important to look out for each other

I'm sorry to hear this too - I'm glad you had some friends close by that were able to help. It definitely is tough when everything seems to go wrong at once. I personally try to get outside (and definitely cut out the incessant checking of the news). It's taken a while to accept that I can only solve one problem at a time and some things will slip through the cracks. As the song goes, I've only got two hands. Hopefully things will improve for you.

It takes a lot to admit you're struggling, so I think that's an important first step. I think we all struggle to varying degrees, and its easy to assume everyone else has a perfect life. So never beat yourself up if you feel life getting on top of you and I hope that you are able to get the help that you want. It's great that you were able to reach out to friends, and that they were able to be there for you.

I think we have broadly similar tastes (we seem to comment and like similar posts) and you've been on the forum for quite a while so I hope that you are able to find a happier place soon

Thanks for posting this.
I hope that your dad is getting better.
Being a carer is hard.
No one knows how hard, until they care for someone.
Especially when life is hard anyway.
Each person here responding shows that they want to understand, that they are with you, and they want to give you strength.
Thanks, Peter

Sorry to hear this Sploshman. I hope you are feeling a bit better now and I'm glad you reached out to your friends.

Like many have said, but its true, the world would be a poorer place without you.

MH, unfortunately, is not as binary or simple as physical ill health. As you'll know, the lack of MH support on the NHS is frankly scandalous. However, I would say this contact your GP urgently as there is a myriad of interventions they can make (CBT, drugs, support, hopefully expediting counselling referral etc) and while some of it may not be suitable, hopefully something will be.

Look after yourself xxx

Dude me too sometimes, just don't want to be a civil servant in the afterlife LOL

Phil

Hey, man.

How are you feeling now?

I'm in London if you ever want to meet a stranger and offload emotions over a beer.

Take care.

R.

I'm so sorry you're hurting my dear, sweetie pie You're such a good soul and always so kind to me, I want you to know that you're loved and wanted and needed in this world

Life is incredibly complex and hard and thankless at times, I sympathize with you, I've been suicidal before too. I also have ADD and anxiety from childhood abuse trauma so I know that it can make it harder to deal with your thoughts. One thing that really helped me was hypnosis and what is called NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It worked so fucking well for me, it was a real life saver. It legitimately gave me ways to control my anxiety and panic attacks and gave me power and control back to my own mind because you can learn to hypnotize yourself. I understand if it's difficult to find a therapist, but this is definitely something you can do online.

This website called BetterHelp is really amazing for people who don't have insurance and have trouble affording healthcare. This website is really, really helpful and it will match you with the best providers for you and your specific needs. It has options for finding therapy in the UK. It can still cost at the lowest $65 a week, but it's definitely really helpful when you can afford it, check out this link here
https://www.betterhelp.com/

I want you to know that I care deeply about you and I want you to feel good and happy and safe because you deserve to feel those things. You're truly loved! You're a good person! You deserve love and happiness! Please feel free to DM me anytime, day or night! I'll always be here for you if you need anything

I'm going to quote something the amazing author Diane Duane said:

You are the answer to a specific question this universe is asking.

So please stick around. Don't take yourself somewhere that means it'll never get that answer.

You're needed.

Awww.

You guys rock and i thank you for all the replies on here.

I'm very touched

I was in a very bad place when that happened late last year.........

But i'm a lot better now and on the rise again

I've been speaking to my GP and also looking into counselling to help me out with my demons and feel that there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.

My Dad is a lot better too and on the mend as well

That's so good to hear friend

That is wonderful news to read, and yay for your dad being on the mend too.

Sorry to hear this Row. Hope you are getting the help you may need. Depression is a very difficult thing to deal with and i hope you are getting the help you may need. Friends will always try to help and also the NHS is amazing at trying to get you back on track. If you want to chat about anything. Just drop me a message. People are there to support each other and if you are feeling down please reach out to people

Those thoughts are a warning sign telling you to pull back and spend some time on self-care. There are other paths forward, and people who are willing to help you find and walk them, here and elsewhere. Understanding that is the first - and one of the most important - steps toward recovery.

Edit: If it helps, this isn't just coming from someone with a counseling background, but someone who's been inches from hospitalization (or worse) due to the downward spiraling of depression. I'm not just parroting self-help texts - I'm sharing bits of what I found to pull me out of the deepest, darkest places. If it helps, great. If not, look at it as evidence that it is possible to get better.